Last Minute Literary-Inspired Christmas Gifts

literary christmas gifts.jpg

(Quick Note: None of the products or links below are affiliate links. I have not been asked to review them or in any way been compensated for mentioning them in this post. I personally haven’t ordered the below items so I can’t attest to the quality of the items. However, I carefully chose well-reviewed and high-rated items.)

You’re scrambling to figure out the perfect gifts for your literary-loving family and friends. You realize it’s less than two weeks until Christmas, and if you want to order something, you better get it done!

If the above is true, you’re in the same boat as me.

So, I made a list of a few literary-inspired gifts on Amazon. I chose Amazon because if you have Prime, you’re almost guaranteed the item will arrive before Christmas. If you ordered from Etsy (another great site to search for awesome things) the item probably wouldn’t arrive until after Christmas.

In my short list (it’s short because I’m busy with Christmas festivities!), I included a few traditional reader gifts and a few that I can (almost) guarantee are strange enough none of your reader friends and family have!

The Book Dragon Mug

book dragon mug by the coffee corner

I first heard this statement a few years ago, and fell in love! I always hated being called a bookworm! You may even notice I mention this statement in my author bio (though admittedly few people understand it until I explain it).

This adorable mug is perfect for fierce readers.

It can be purchased here.

Literary Tea

So, you have the mug picked out. But what about teas to fill it?

I admit I haven’t tried the teas below, but I have heard of them and they come recommended by fellow readers and enthusiasts!

Typically, I recommend Literary Tea Co., and you can see if they will ship and arrive before Christmas. Since I don’t know for sure, here is another option which will arrive in time.

Bag Ladies Teas

Bag ladies teas

This is a picture of the highest rated tea from the Bag Ladies Tea on Amazon. They actually have many different types!

I only recently stumbled across this brand, but have heard good things about them for the most part. They’re more eclectic than the tea company I mentioned above (as you can guess from the name), but they have teas for all kinds of occasions. 

You can search all their different kinds of tea here.

Not tea, but has to do with tea and books:

The Book Lover’s Cup of Tea

the book lover's cup of tea

This adorable, little set from Running Press is a book-shaped tea infuser!

It doesn’t come with tea, but it does come with the infuser and a little booklet on how to make the perfect cup of tea and many other things related to tea and books.

At under $10 it would also make a great White Elephant gift if there’s a spending cap.

You can purchase it here.

Eclectic and Humorous Gifts

Perhaps you need that gift for a friend who has everything literary-themed imaginable. Don’t worry! I searched the web to find the most eccentric (yet funny) literary gifts with a twist.

Literary Chickens  

Iliterary chickens book.jpgIf you’ve ever felt a need to combine chickens with your favorite literary quotes and passages, this is the book for you (or your friend).

It’s also pretty new having been released in October, so there’s a good chance even the most enthusiastic literary collector won’t have it yet.

You can purchase it here. 

William Shakespeare’s Star Wars

william Shakespeares star wars

And last but not least, the gift I might have to break down and buy for myself.

What else do I need to say other than it’s Star Wars with William Shakespeare?! Who doesn’t want to read that?

With seven books in the series, each book contains one of the beloved Lucas films rewritten into “Elizabethan” verse.

You can purchase it here. 

Hopefully, these ideas will make your Christmas shopping easier (or at least make you chuckle)!

Alexa M.

My Unintentional 10 Month Writing Break: When Life Didn’t Go As Planned

the unintentional 10 month break from writing

This is the short version of how I lost my memory for the majority of 2018. (Yes, you read that right.)

I’ve taken fewer than half a dozen breaks from my writing during my (almost) nine-year career, primarily because they annoyed me. I’m the kind of person who can’t sit still through a TV show without my laptop, much less setting aside my stories for days. Writing is therapeutic for me, especially during the last few years when I struggled with increased anxiety and depression. Leaving it for an extended period of time was the last thing I wanted to do.

I think I’ve mentioned this, but three years ago I dropped out of college because the anxiety hit me out of nowhere. I’m a worrier by nature, but the anxiety crippled me. I wrote about my experiences in this post from 2017 if you’re curious, and it explains most of what I went through so I won’t repeat myself here (and it’s actually by far my most popular post to date).

I also have another post I’ll probably put out next month (and will link here) detailing my journey and the crap I went through with inept doctors, but the long story short is I was diagnosed with Hashimoto’s Autoimmune Disease in February or March 2018. It’s essentially hypothyroidism and was the cause of my increased anxiety. The depression wasn’t caused by it (and is another long story for another day about the “happy hormones”).

That diagnosis changed things for the rest of my life.

I’ll never again get to eat junk food without my thyroid acting out and making inflammation take over my body. I’ll take meds for a long time (maybe forever). I watch what I do, my hormones, weight, and a list that feels longer than my arm. I always feel tired.

I’m not trying to complain. I could have had something much worse.

You’re probably asking, but what about the memory issues?

If you’ve ever taken strong medication for a hormonal imbalance or disorder, you might be familiar with the side effect of temporary memory loss or at the least brain fog. My thyroid was so underactive that the medication caused it to become like a rollercoaster bouncing wherever it pleased.

And boy, did I have some unexpected (and embarrassing) side effects from that!

Anyway, words flew out of my head faster than you can lose your car keys. I forget appointments, names, even short-term memories. I’m the kind of person who used to never even use outlines for her stories, so memory wasn’t a big problem for me. If anything, I remembered too much because of my anxiety. I went from serious and always on top of things to a bit of an airhead. Best I can tell, I had a case of Temporary Dementia brought on my all the changes my body dealt with.

When all my characters names became “BLANK,” my pacing and scenes fell apart, plot disappeared and my energy disappeared, I realized I had to step away. It was unexpected, so I didn’t give my readers a heads up about my absence (Sorry, loyal blog readers! I didn’t abandon you on purpose!).

A few times this year I had good weeks and tried to catch up. I posted back in May and August, but in September regressed because I negatively reacted to new meds.

I pray I improve with each passing day. It’s a struggle, but I hope I can return to entertaining you lovely readers with my sarcastic and wordy posts soon.  In the meantime, I hope you’ll cut me a little slack because I still misspell words or use the wrong words because of hiccups in my memory. Many common writing rules I used to know aren’t in my head anymore and I have to relearn as well as brush off my rusty writing skills after all these months. In this post alone my editor caught three simple mistakes I should never have missed!

Thank you for your understanding during all of this, and I hope to make 2019 one of my best writing years to date if prayers and life work out!

So, now that I’m coming back to this blog, is there anything you’d like to see me write about on here? What writing (or reading) problems are you facing that you’d like me to talk about?

Alexa M.

Book Lovers Day is Today!

book lovers day

In case you’re not aware, August 9 is Book Lovers Day. What is it you ask?

Well, basically an excuse to read all day, and that sounds pretty good to me. It’s an unofficial holiday (celebrated in the US and I assume elsewhere though I’m not sure) promoting reading and celebrating bookworms and their voracious appetites for books.

Here are 5 ways to celebrate:

  1. Stay in and read (an obvious one)
  2. Visit your favorite bookstore and/or local library
  3. Buy a gift for the favorite bookworm in your life
  4. Reread your favorite book
  5. Spread the word about Book Lovers Day!

I’m lucky because I’m on vacation in Emerald Isle, NC, and get to read on the beach all day. It’s also why this post is extremely short because who has time to blog when sitting on the beach? 🙂

So, tell me, how are you celebrating?

Alexa M.

The First Thing I Ever Wrote

first thing i wrote

(This is from last month but published again after it was lost while updating the blog. So much for making sure everything was prepared before updating 😉 )

Okay, so it’s not the first thing I wrote. The first thing I wrote was likely on the back of a horribly uninterpretable picture of a cat made of macaroni. However, below is a snap of the first page I ever wrote on a book.

FullSizeRender (1)

In March of 2010, my family was going through tough times from illnesses to unexpected events. At the time, I did what I spent much of my childhood doing when stressed: reading. In that case, I was reading Lord of the Rings for the first time.

Let just say I got really inspired by Tolkien’s classic series.

I’d never wanted to write a book, but that night at midnight I picked up a pen and scribbled away in a notebook. By the end of the next day I had a dozen pages, and two weeks later I had handwritten some 70 pages.

I didn’t know it at 12 years old, but three years later that crappy beginning would become Black Forest.

20 Sites with Free and Discounted Books and Ebooks



In this post, I list sites with used and discounted books and ebooks.  I’ve split them up below into those two groups for easy searching because I realize some people don’t like ebooks.

Have fun shopping!  I’m headed over to some of these sites to spend some of my remaining Christmas money.

Free and $0.99 Ebooks

1. BookBub

They send a daily email with four or five popular ebooks deals between free-$2.99.  They are by far my favorite site for cheap ebooks. You do have to be a member, but it’s free and they have a lot of bestsellers and even some self-published titles.

2. The Fussy Librarian

They will email you ebooks they think you will enjoy.  They have an entire free ebook page with hundreds of titles.

3.Read Cheaply

They offer all genres of ebooks for %50 or more off the usual price.

4. Read Freely

They offer free and discounted kindle books, as well as have a large selection of self-published titles.

5. Free Booksy

When authors offer a promotional discount on their ebooks, Free Booksy lists it.  They don’t have a lot of bestsellers, but it’s a great place to peruse for a new read.

6.Ereader News Today

They offer only Kindle ebooks, so if you have a Nook or another device, this site is not for you. You can subscribe to their newsletter, enter genres you like, and they will send you suggestions.

7. Project Gutenberg

It houses over 53,000 books all completely free.  It’s operated by volunteers and though you won’t find many recent titles, you can find a lot of classics.

Used and Discounted Books:


They have hundreds of discounted books including a great selection of recent bestsellers for $0.99.  They also have music and movies at low prices, but their music selection is very limited.  Definitely, recommend their books and movies, but go elsewhere for music.

9. Thriftbooks

This is my favorite place for cheap books. Though they are more expensive then Alibris, all the books I have ordered from them are in pristine condition despite being used.  Most of their books range between $3.99 and $7.99.  They offer free shipping on orders of $10 or more within the US and they have a recent deal that for every $50 you spend you get a $5 coupon.

10. eBay

I love eBay because you can find so many affordable things.  There’s the regular eBay and then another website they operate called  You can get new, used, or like new books from a variety of sellers.

11. Amazon

Always a good choice. 🙂

12. Powell’s

They sell new and used books.  They aren’t the cheapest, but they are a favorite in the reading community.

13. Swap sites

There’s a lot of sites that allow you to give a book in order to get one.  All you have to do is pay for the postage to send your book back.  A few of these are:


14. Better World Books

They donate a percentage of their profits and books to promote literacy.  It’s a great site and I highly recommend it.


This site has millions of books.  They’ve been in business since 1980 and carry music, movies, and games as well.


This is a UK company, so if you’re in the UK, check this site out.  They have a great selection at reasonable prices.


It searches Wordery, Amazon (several different countries), and the Book Depository to bring you the best price.

18. Book Depository

They have millions of discounted books. While they aren’t the cheapest site listed here (most of their books range between $7-$12), they do have a great selection and free, worldwide delivery.


Available in many countries, their prices are some of the cheapest in this list.  I’ve never used them so I’m not sure about the shipping situation or the condition of the books, but they come recommended from other fellow readers.

20. Bonavendi

Like, Bonavendi searches numerous sites for the best price.  I will say, their website is a little confusing, but has some great deals.

Additional idea:

21. Thrift Shops

I love searching through thrift shops for books.  I’ve found a first edition, signed copy of Something Strange and Deadly and an ARC of The Silent Wife (both for under $5). I’m lucky to have a great thrift store, Gift and Thrift, not far from my house and The BookShop in Morehead, N.C., where I go on vacation.  Search online for the ones nearest you.  You’ll be amazed by what you can find!


Top 10 YA Books For National Reading Day 2017


Today, January 23, is National Reading Day!  What better way to celebrate than curled up with a good book?  

National Reading Day is a little overshadowed by Trump’s recent inauguration,  but no fear. Need to get away from the media’s and your Facebook friends’ onslaught of political news?

Then pick up a book!

I’m going to curl up by the fire and read Grave Mercy by Robin LaFevers, but I’ve included it as well as nine others below in case you need suggestions.

  1.  Grave Mercy 



Why be the sheep, when you can be the wolf?

Seventeen-year-old Ismae escapes from the brutality of an arranged marriage into the sanctuary of the convent of St. Mortain, where the sisters still serve the gods of old. Here she learns that the god of Death Himself has blessed her with dangerous gifts—and a violent destiny. If she chooses to stay at the convent, she will be trained as an assassin and serve as a handmaiden to Death. To claim her new life, she must destroy the lives of others.
Ismae’s most important assignment takes her straight into the high court of Brittany—where she finds herself woefully under prepared—not only for the deadly games of intrigue and treason, but for the impossible choices she must make. For how can she deliver Death’s vengeance upon a target who, against her will, has stolen her heart?

My Thoughts:

Death, history, and romance?  Yes, Please!  (And look at that cover!)

I’m only halfway through, but if the second half is as good as the first half, then this is a book I will definitely recommend.  It’s fast-paced, beautifully written, and certainly a different take on the typical “historical-fantasy” novel.

Click here to view it on Amazon

2. The Wrath and the Dawn



A sumptuous and epically told love story inspired by A Thousand and One Nights

Every dawn brings horror to a different family in a land ruled by a killer. Khalid, the eighteen-year-old Caliph of Khorasan, takes a new bride each night only to have her executed at sunrise. So it is a suspicious surprise when sixteen-year-old Shahrzad volunteers to marry Khalid. But she does so with a clever plan to stay alive and exact revenge on the Caliph for the murder of her best friend and countless other girls. Shazi’s wit and will, indeed, get her through to the dawn that no others have seen, but with a catch . . . she’s falling in love with the very boy who killed her dearest friend.

She discovers that the murderous boy-king is not all that he seems and neither are the deaths of so many girls. Shazi is determined to uncover the reason for the murders and to break the cycle once and for all.

My Thoughts:

I must say, I’m not a fan of this new cover (the old one is much better, but obviously, that’s just my opinion).  However, this is an amazing story filled with rich details, a complicated love story, and an ending that will make you want to have the sequel, The Rose and The Dagger, immediately on hand.

Click here to view it on Amazon

3. Cinder

Humans and androids crowd the raucous streets of New Beijing. A deadly plague ravages the population. From space, a ruthless lunar people watch, waiting to make their move. No one knows that Earth’s fate hinges on one girl. . . .

Cinder, a gifted mechanic, is a cyborg. She’s a second-class citizen with a mysterious past, reviled by her stepmother and blamed for her stepsister’s illness. But when her life becomes intertwined with the handsome Prince Kai’s, she suddenly finds herself at the center of an intergalactic struggle, and a forbidden attraction. Caught between duty and freedom, loyalty and betrayal, she must uncover secrets about her past in order to protect her world’s future.

My Thoughts:

The first time I read the synopsis, I couldn’t imagine how the story could be any good.  A cyborg Cinderella?  It just wasn’t my cup of tea.

But a few years later I picked it up again out of curiosity over all the good reviews it was receiving and was extremely impressed.  It will make you laugh, cry, sit on the edge of your seat and swoon.  I can’t say enough good things about Cinder and the rest of the books in the series.

Click here to view it on Amazon

4. Red Queen


red-queenGraceling meets The Selection in debut novelist Victoria Aveyard’s sweeping tale of seventeen-year-old Mare, a common girl whose once-latent magical power draws her into the dangerous intrigue of the king’s palace. Will her power save her or condemn her?

Mare Barrow’s world is divided by blood—those with common, Red blood serve the Silver- blooded elite, who are gifted with superhuman abilities. Mare is a Red, scraping by as a thief in a poor, rural village, until a twist of fate throws her in front of the Silver court. Before the king, princes, and all the nobles, she discovers she has an ability of her own.

To cover up this impossibility, the king forces her to play the role of a lost Silver princess and betroths her to one of his own sons. As Mare is drawn further into the Silver world, she risks everything and uses her new position to help the Scarlet Guard—a growing Red rebellion—even as her heart tugs her in an impossible direction. One wrong move can lead to her death, but in the dangerous game she plays, the only certainty is betrayal.

My Thoughts:

Alas, I have not read it yet, but everyone I know who has read it recommends it to me.  So, I’ll take it on their good word that it is worth reading.  How could it not be with that cover?

Click here to view it on Amazon

5. These Broken Stars



It’s a night like any other on board the Icarus. Then, catastrophe strikes: the massive luxury spaceliner is yanked out of hyperspace and plummets into the nearest planet. Lilac LaRoux and Tarver Merendsen survive. And they seem to be alone. Lilac is the daughter of the richest man in the universe. Tarver comes from nothing, a young war hero who learned long ago that girls like Lilac are more trouble than they’re worth. But with only each other to rely on, Lilac and Tarver must work together, making a tortuous journey across the eerie, deserted terrain to seek help. Then, against all odds, Lilac and Tarver find a strange blessing in the tragedy that has thrown them into each other’s arms. Without the hope of a future together in their own world, they begin to wonder—would they be better off staying here forever? Everything changes when they uncover the truth behind the chilling whispers that haunt their every step. Lilac and Tarver may find a way off this planet. But they won’t be the same people who landed on it. The first in a sweeping science fiction trilogy, These Broken Stars is a timeless love story about hope and survival in the face of unthinkable odds.

My Thoughts:

I like that this isn’t your typical sci-fi story.  It includes the fight for survival under impossible odds and is unlike anything else I’ve read.  I love that the characters are realistic and their reactions to their situation seem natural, not like paper cut outs forced to do the authors’ bidding.  This is by far one of my favorite YA books.

Click here to view it on Amazon

6. Into the Dim


into-the-dimWhen fragile, sixteen-year-old Hope Walton loses her mom to an earthquake overseas, her secluded world crumbles. Agreeing to spend the summer in Scotland, Hope discovers that her mother was more than a brilliant academic, but also a member of a secret society of time travelers. And she’s alive, though currently trapped in the twelfth century, during the age of Eleanor of Aquitaine. Hope has seventy-two hours to rescue her mother and get back to their own time. Passing through the Dim, Hope enters a brutal medieval world of political intrigue, danger, and violence. A place where any serious interference could alter the very course of history. And when she meets a boy whose face is impossibly familiar, she must decide between her mission and her heart—both of which could leave Hope trapped in the past forever.

My Thoughts:

Admittedly, the first fifty pages are a little slow.  However, once you get through those, the story really takes off.  If you like the middle ages, then this book is for you.  It’s historically accurate and a fun time travel novel.

Click here to view it on Amazon

7. The Girl From Everywhere


Nix has spent her entire life aboard her father’s ship, sailing across the centuries, across the world, across myth and imagination.
As long as her father has a map for it, he can sail to any time, any place, real or imagined: nineteenth-century China, the land from One Thousand and One Nights, a mythic version of Africa. Along the way they have found crewmates and friends, and even a disarming thief who could come to mean much more to Nix.
But the end to it all looms closer every day.
Her father is obsessed with obtaining the one map, 1868 Honolulu, that could take him back to his lost love, Nix’s mother. Even though getting it—and going there—could erase Nix’s very existence.
For the first time, Nix is entering unknown waters.
She could find herself, find her family, find her own fantastical ability, her own epic love.
Or she could disappear.

My Thoughts:

This is a very fast-paced story.  Once or twice I had to stop and process what I just read because I had to think back to something twenty pages earlier.  In some ways, it’s more like a time travel mystery because Nix is discovering so much about her heritage, history, and Navigation.  As long as you stay on top of the details, this is a great story. Also, if you read it now, you’ll be ready for the release of its sequel, The Ship Beyond Time, on February 28th.

Click here to view it on Amazon

8. Carve the Mark


Fans of Star Wars and Divergent will revel in internationally bestselling author Veronica Roth’s stunning new science-fiction fantasy series.

On a planet where violence and vengeance rule, in a galaxy where some are favored by fate, everyone develops a currentgift, a unique power meant to shape the future. While most benefit from their currentgifts, Akos and Cyra do not—their gifts make them vulnerable to others’ control. Can they reclaim their gifts, their fates, and their lives, and reset the balance of power in this world?

Cyra is the sister of the brutal tyrant who rules the Shotet people. Cyra’s currentgift gives her pain and power—something her brother exploits, using her to torture his enemies. But Cyra is much more than just a blade in her brother’s hand: she is resilient, quick on her feet, and smarter than he knows.

Akos is from the peace-loving nation of Thuvhe, and his loyalty to his family is limitless. Though protected by his unusual currentgift, once Akos and his brother are captured by enemy Shotet soldiers, Akos is desperate to get his brother out alive—no matter what the cost. When Akos is thrust into Cyra’s world, the enmity between their countries and families seems insurmountable. They must decide to help each other to survive—or to destroy one another.

My Thoughts:

This just released on January 17th, so I have yet to read it.  If it is anything like her other books, I suspect it will create a lot of buzz in the YA community over the next few months.  It sounds interesting, and I think I fell in love with that cover the first time I saw it.

9.  My Lady Jane


This comical, fantastical, romantical, New York Times bestselling, (not) entirely true story of Lady Jane Grey is “an uproarious historical fantasy that’s not to be missed” (Publishers Weekly, starred review). In My Lady Jane, coauthors Cynthia Hand, Brodi Ashton, and Jodi Meadows have created a one-of-a-kind YA fantasy in the tradition of The Princess Bride, featuring a reluctant king, an even more reluctant queen, a noble steed, and only a passing resemblance to actual history—because sometimes history needs a little help.

At sixteen, Lady Jane Grey is about to be married off to a stranger and caught up in a conspiracy to rob her cousin, King Edward, of his throne. But those trifling problems aren’t for Jane to worry about. Jane gets to be Queen of England.

Like that could go wrong.

My Thoughts:

If you need a good laugh, then this is for you.  I don’t usually like books that completely change historical facts, but that is the thing that makes this story so humorous.  You never know what to expect, and the bumbling actions of the characters make them far more realistic and all too relatable.

Click here to view it on Amazon

10. Something Strange And Deadly


Sixteen-year-old Eleanor Fitt’s brother is missing. And when she discovers that the Dead are rising in Philadelphia and wreaking havoc throughout the city, she knows that her brother is involved.

So Eleanor enlists the help of the Spirit-Hunters. This motley crew, hired to protect the city from supernatural forces, is after the necromancer who has been reanimating corpses. Their skills can save her brother. But as Eleanor spends time with the Spirit-Hunters, and their handsome inventor, Daniel, the situation becomes dire. Now not only is her reputation at risk, but her very life may hang in the balance.

In Something Strange and Deadly, the first book in a trilogy, Susan Dennard weaves together vividly imagined scenes of action, adventure, and gorgeous Victorian fashion to create an entertaining steampunk tapestry of humor, horror, and romance. Readers who love Cassandra Clare’s Infernal Devices series will be intrigued from the start.

My Thoughts:

I first picked this up this past summer while browsing through a used bookstore in North Carolina.  It happened to be a first edition, signed copy for $5, and I didn’t realize it was either of those things until I’d already bought it and walked out of the store. To say the least, I was quite happy.

I’m not a fan of zombie stories, but this was so unique that I liked it.  Fighting zombies in the Victorian era in Philadelphia?  Yeah, not a lot of books like it.  I will warn, it’s not a happily ever after story, especially if you read the entire series.  Have tissues ready for it’s a bittersweet ending.

Click here to view it on Amazon

So there you have it, ten books to read for National Reading Day.  Now get off the internet and go read!

What Anxiety Taught Me About Myself



Thank God 2016 is over.

As you’ve probably noticed, I haven’t published a post in 8 months.  I was supposed to publish a book, City of Deception, in July, but it never came out.  I planned to go to university and study history, my second favorite subject only surpassed by writing.  I planned to get my own apartment within the next eighteen months.

But life is a tricky thing, and the last year and a half have been some of the most difficult and stressful months for my family and me.  If something could go wrong, it did or tried to.

I learned how crippling anxiety can be, and spent most of the summer holed up at home recovering from a year that kept getting worse.  It taught me I’m not as strong and invincible as I think.

So, here’s what happened:

I’m nineteen and finished my freshman year at University.  Last fall, about the time I started this blog, I packed up my belongings and moved ten minutes from home into the dorm with one of my best friends as my roommate.  For the first few months, I adjusted to college life, learning that eating pancakes at midnight is normal and studying your butt off ten minutes before your final exam is protocol.  Despite a few mishaps and arguments on my hall, I succeded at being on the Deans list.

But then about January, something happened.

I started getting more than a few butterflies in my stomach when I had to go to social functions (I’m an introvert at heart, but this was extreme).  I struggled to maintain eye contact with people during conversations and trivial things like phone calls to meeting people in the cafeteria for dinner sent me off to my room trembling.

By March, I pretty much spent most of my time in my room with Netflix, chocolate, and impending due dates.  I couldn’t write, something that calmed me down, because my characters reflected my anxiety making me more worried.  It sucked.

Then in April, the panic attacks came.  I’d go to class, do my assignments (because I’m a perfectionist and hate when things try to stop me or slow me down) and spend a lot of time sitting on my bed reading crappy vampire novels just to escape the moment.  Just having to pass people in the hall would all but send me into panic mode.  The anxiety never stopped.

I chose to take a gap year after meeting with a professor one day and all but crying in his office because I physically couldn’t make myself do a presentation for their class.  I would have vomited had I tried to do the presentation.

The point of this post is if you feel I’ve been ignoring you all, I haven’t.  I’ve been struggling, but now am back.  Thank you to everyone supporting me (which, frankly, is few people because most don’t know.)  To those suffering from anxiety: I know what it feels like, and I swear you’ll get through it.  There will be a lot of tears and arguments and ice cream runs, but you will persevere.  I had to choose to change my life by taking a year off against the wishes and advice of almost everyone who knows me.  Do whatever YOU need to deal with anxiety.  Don’t make the mistake of letting others dictate life for you.  Only you really know what you need.

The best way to explain what this is like is how one feels after a long sickness.  Your muscles are sore and you can’t just jump back into your usual routine.  You have to slowly go back to your normal schedules and activities slowly, and that’s what I’m attempting to do.  (I realize that is a lacking example.)

I have people doubting me, especially for taking some time from college.  I might not ever go back.  I don’t know.  Every time I get on Facebook and see how much all my friends have done in one year while I’ve been struggling just to live normally frustrates and depresses me.  Sometimes I cry for no reason.

The last months have taught me the true meaning of one of my favorite Robert Burns quotes:

“The best-laid plans of mice and men often go awry.”

Robert Burns

I thought I could plan everything and be strong, but it turns out I can’t get everything right all the time and I am far, far from perfect.  I don’t know what I’m doing with my life.  I don’t know what God has in store or why I have to go through this.

Don’t ask me what I’m going to do because I don’t know.  Every bone in my body screams in terror over the decisions I’m making.  Most days I feel immobile, but I’m doing my best.

All I know is I’m going to get back on my feet and live my life.  I still have anxiety, but I’m learning how to deal with it.  I hope others with anxiety also learn to embrace it and live a meaningful life.

Cover Reveal For City Of Deception

After all the months of writing, editing, and publishing mayhem, I get to share the cover of City of Deception with you.  I think it works well with the story (though I’m jaded since I’m the author) and love this cover by West Coast Design.  Can’t wait to hear your thoughts.

City of Deception will go on sale July 2016.  The description is posted here.

city of deceptionAM001

Book News

Synopsis (1)I am excited to share the synopsis for my upcoming Young Adult novel with you!  The story is a combination of time travel, dystopian and fantasy, so I have yet to choose the genre it falls in.  (I’m leaning towards time travel/dystopian although dystopian makes me cringe after the onslaught of that genre over the last few years.)

This is the first time the synopsis has been released anywhere, so you are one of the first to read it.  I would love to hear what you think of it.


When 17-year-old Natalia Alkaev is chosen to live in the royal palace, she is thrust into a world of lies, betrayal and love.

Since she joined the rebellion, she has trained as an information processor for the growing revolution against the royal family.  She is told they are fighting a dictator who will take the throne in the future.  With new time travel technology, the rebels plan to stop the dictator before he or she can claim the throne.  Controlling the future is the key to everything.  But when Natalia is chosen as the new royal ward to appease the classes, she must hide her revolutionary past from the royals or be killed, all the while gathering information to feed back to the rebels.

She soon learns who the real villains are, and it’s not the royals she despises.

It’s someone much closer to her.